The Power Of Music For Healing My Grief

I never realized how much the power of music would help in healing my grief and loss. But I discovered that Kelsey’s music would play a key role in helping me deal with my grief when we were planning her memorial service.

My husband, son and I decided that music should play throughout the funeral home during the service. We thought it would be appropriate to play music that Kelsey liked on that day since she was such a lover of music.

Choosing The Music

Her dad scribbled down the names of artists and songs which Kelsey grew up listening to with him. They shared a love for Bowie, Zeppelin, Tom Petty, and Neil Young. Growing up in the 90’s, Kelsey and my niece Erin, a year younger, shared music of their generation. The Spice Girls, Hanson, Sugar Ray, No Doubt. But there was also music that just Kelsey liked. Any new song that Kelsey discovered, Erin had to listen to it on their ride to school. She had no other choice but to listen since Kelsey was the one driving! Over the years, Kelsey continued to expand her musical tastes and explore a variety of alternative music. Erin also found a wide range of music that Kelsey had posted on her Facebook page.

Erin downloaded, compiled and edited all this music into a playlist that captured the essence of Kelsey. And this is what we played at her funeral.

The Power Of Music For Grief Playlist

Music can bring up a wide variety of emotions; happiness, sadness, anger, bitterness, joy, melancholy, as well as, healing.

As I laid in bed on many of those dark days, I’d scroll down Kelsey’s Facebook page. I would read her posts and listen to her music.  It was a way for me feel close to her. I was learning things about her I hadn’t known.  And I was learning her music. 

By listening to Kelsey’s music, I felt more and more connected to her.  I began to write down the name and artist of each song and compiled a list. After that, I searched the song in my Spotify account and named this playlist, “My Kelsey.”

Lyrics of certain songs contained undertones of addiction, sadness and loss. While others had a connection to her past or brought her some joy. I also began adding songs that spoke to my grief, gave me hope or reminded me of Kelsey.

And I listened to those songs over and over again feeling a range of emotions.

If I was listening while driving in my car, tears would blur my vision. Sometimes I couldn’t even get out of the car. I would just sit in a parking lot, listen and cry. On those days where I literally couldn’t get out of bed I would lay there, listen and cry. Sometimes I’d look for hidden meanings in the lyrics. Other times I would wonder why she posted a particular song at a particular time. And I would feel her pain.

I do believe that music has the power to heal grief. But you might be wondering where the healing and “power” is if all I’m doing is crying.

Healing My Grief

Let me explain. I needed these songs because they were Kelsey’s.  They were reminders of her.  Maybe I could get a sense of how she was feeling when she was listening. And the best thing was that listening to these songs made me feel closer to her.

Music did that for me.

Although I sobbed many times when listening, I knew I needed to sit with my grief in order to heal. And, if healing my grief meant listening to a playlist of “Kelsey songs” while sobbing, then I was going to do it. It was painful to listen to many of these songs but it was also wonderful to share the music that Kelsey loved.

Make Your Own Music Playlist

If you’re looking for the power of music to help heal your grief, look first to the music your loved one enjoyed. It may not be the kind of music you like but it will give you a perspective into who they were and how they were feeling.  It might just help you feel a sense of closeness to them. You can also search the internet for songs about healing from loss.

Connecting Through Music

The list of songs below is the list of my personal favorite Kelsey songs. I always feel some type of connection to Kelsey when I listen to them. Although some songs contain lyrics about addiction, pain or death, these help me connect to how she was probably feeling at the time. And I know other songs just made her feel good.

Please enjoy this list of songs. I hope you take a listen.

“KELSEY’S SONGS” That Helped Heal My Grief

1. “Into The Mystic” – Van Morrison https://youtu.be/PZ59spYH9mk  Kelsey had a very close friend who had recently died from an overdose.  His dad posted this song on his son’s Facebook page.  I knew this had to be the song played at her funeral.  We printed the lyrics on her prayer card.

2.  “Lonely Day” – System of a Down https://youtu.be/DnGdoEa1tPg The lyrics, “such a lonely day, the loneliest day of my life,” made me think about how Kelsey probably felt much of the time when she was using.

3. “Cowgirl in the Sand” (Live at Massey Hall 1971) – Neil Young https://youtu.be/W0fMNHl_JP4  Kelsey loved Neil Young and this acoustic version grabbed my heart.  Her boyfriend was teaching her to play it on the guitar.

4. “Don’t Follow” – Alice in Chains https://youtu.be/G90O6UWbol8 It’s been said that Jerry Cantrell wrote this about his bandmate Layne Staley’s heroin addiction. Lyrics are haunting. The melody is really beautiful.

5. This Must Be The Place” – Talking Heads https://youtu.be/RKNGfHYBY6U Kelsey wrote these words: “This describes being home perfectly to me.”

6. “Where Is My Mind?” – Pixies https://youtu.be/la5_kLO4Kg8  Friends shared that Kelsey danced to this song like no one was watching during a karaoke night in rehab.  Danced in honor of a boyfriend who passed away.

7. “I Didn’t Know” – Skinshape https://youtu.be/ulOgzjdBdzY  I think this song spoke to Kelsey’s own grief in losing 3 very close friends.  And now it speaks to my grief.  Such a beautiful song about losing someone.  Has a great vibe.

8. “Wake Up” – Mad Season https://youtu.be/R0vsMNVu5VQ  Looking at Kelsey’s FB page, she seemed to have the lyrics stuck in her head 3 days before she passed.  Layne Staley is singing about his 10-year addiction to heroin. 

9. D’yer Mak’er” – Led Zeppelin https://youtu.be/7U5TCX0R950 Kelsey loved Led Zeppelin and this was one of her favorites.

10. “The Past Recedes” – John Frusciante   https://youtu.be/vi_pH-gS1hk Former and now present guitarist for The Red Hot Chili Peppers.  Some people say the song refers to his past drug addiction but knowing that Kelsey listened to it was enough for me to like it. 

I hope that you too, are able to find some healing of your grief through the power of music.

Karen