What Is A Sacred Space?

I created a sacred space for my daughter without even realizing it. What do I mean by a sacred space?

I mean a little space you carve out in a room somewhere. 

A place where you can sit and be with your child. It’s a space where you put special little items you’ve selected that remind you of your child. When you sit among the special objects, you can feel your child around you.

When Kelsey passed, I saw pictures on my Facebook grief groups of various ways parents were honoring their child.  Looking at those photos was incredibly difficult.  I certainly was not ready to see a shrine a parent had made for their dead child.  That was not me.  I was not going to make a shrine.  It was too hard.  It felt weird. 

Looking back now, I see that I was judging what other people were doing.  I guess I didn’t realize at the time that I would eventually begin doing the same thing.

Home Office To Sacred Space

I have a small office off my bedroom.  30 years of teaching materials, textbooks, games and office supplies cluttered the room.  When I retired in June of 2019, I began to throw things out, give things away and move things around.   Aaah, I was finally able to breathe again in that small space!   Organization and no clutter felt amazing.  I bought new color coordinated items for my desk.  It was shaping up nicely.

I tend to get excited about things like this.  Kelsey did too.  So, I couldn’t wait for her to see my new and improved space.

On one of her last visits home, I was able to show her all the new things I had gotten for my desk.  She definitely approved.  She liked that the desk items were organized and especially loved that everything matched in color. 

Kelsey always enjoyed hanging out in my office over the years.  She would sit at my desk and do schoolwork, complete paperwork or color in her adult coloring books.  She loved that I always had a supply of markers, colored pencils, construction paper, folders and colorful notebooks at the ready for her to use. 

But her favorite thing to do was take one of the many picture books off my shelf and read.  Being a teacher, I have quite a collection of children’s books so I always enjoyed watching Kelsey read these books, even as an adult.  (I think she had a little bit of the teacher gene in her!) I never realized how much Kelsey’s energy was all around my little home office.

A “Touchstone” Collection

I was sitting at my desk one day lost in thoughts of Kelsey.  As I sat there, I decided to hang up the prayer card from her funeral and a favorite picture I have of the two of us. A friend sent us a set of beautiful wind chimes with Kelsey’s name engraved on them.  Inside the box, was a beautiful card about the artist who made the chimes and the meaning of the sounds.  I really wanted to keep the card but wasn’t sure what to do with it. 

Then I thought, “I know!  I’ll tape it next to Kelsey’s prayer card and the picture that’s on my desk.”  And so began my sacred space to honor Kelsey. 

I received a silver necklace representing the sculpture of a grieving parent, two joined circles to represent a mother/daughter bond and a crystal necklace for healing and moving forward.  Each piece of jewelry came with a small description of the meaning behind the piece. I also received a cardinal Christmas ornament with tiny card describing the meaning behind it and a bookmark with a beautiful saying and silver heart. There were other items as well.

I taped each little card to my desk as my collection continued to grow.   Each object was given with love for Kelsey so I placed each item with loving care.  I even added a beautiful curly lock of Kelsey’s hair that I tied in a colorful ribbon.   All of the items were just little things that made me feel good when I looked at them.

It was a very enjoyable and peaceful process for me to find each one their special place. They are remembrances of Kelsey; my Touchstones.

My Peaceful Place

I often just sit at my desk, lean back in my chair and just stare at my collection.  I feel very content and peaceful in that space.  Sometimes I don’t think I’m really looking at the items.  I think I’m looking beyond them.  Beyond the physical items to memories, love, energy and connection to Kelsey.

When I was in one of my grief counseling sessions, I mentioned that I had begun hanging things around the desk in my office. She was very encouraging and said that I was creating a special place to honor Kelsey, which of course I hadn’t realized.  I shared how Kelsey loved to sit at my desk, do work and use all the office supplies.  And, how much she enjoyed reading the children’s picture books in my collection. 

As we talked about the space, my counselor was able to help me see why I chose this particular area to make my sacred space.  She said that Kelsey’s energy was still there and that the items I was collecting were called touchstones.

So that’s why I feel so peaceful as I sit there and stare at these items. It’s because Kelsey’s energy surrounds me every time I sit at my desk.  I may continue to add an item or two here and there.  But for now, it feels complete.

There are so many reminders of Kelsey all over my house.  But this is a quiet, special place that I created and I think that’s why I like spending time there.

CREATING YOUR OWN SACRED SPACE:

These are just some general ideas on how you, too, can create a sacred space to honor your child. The most important thing you can do when creating a sacred space is make it your own.

• The space you are creating is for you and your child.  Don’t make it about anyone else. 
• Choose a space that feels comfortable and peaceful when you are in it.  Maybe it’s a place where your child spent some time.
• Have something on which to sit or lay.  A chair, beanbag, couch, bed or even the floor will do.
• Place a throw, blanket, quilt or a few pillows around especially if you will be sitting on the floor.  You want to be comfy when you’re spending time in the space. 
• Gather items for your collection that have meaning for you and make you feel a connection to your child.
• Use a table, bench or desk to display your items.  Drape a pretty scarf over the top for some softness and color. 
• Don’t clutter the space with too many items.  You want to be able to have some open space around you to breathe in your child’s energy.
• If your items are small like cards or pictures, hang a cork or magnet board so they are easily visable from any angle. 
• Remember, this is your space to make and create any way you want. 
• Now sit, relax and feel the energy.  You have a Sacred Space. 

I hope you find some peace and serenity in creating your own Sacred Space.

Karen